Monday, June 30, 2008

Settledness

Saturday I went to my friend's housewarming BBQ, which later turned out to be an engagement announcement party. The guy is very settled. Very homely 1 bedroom apartment in Jersey City, domesticated decor, all in all located in a very family-oriented neighborhood.

Experiencing that atmosphere brings plenty of mixed feelings - fear, envy, relief, etc. Fear because for this couple, the game of life is almost over. The guy is content w/ his job, they're happy in their relationship, they could probably die happy just like that. Thinking about that terrifies me, because it represents a death of your restless self into a new immutable self. The envy part is mostly due to the fact that they are living so comfortably and the fact that they are set in life. But then again, is comfort really a good thing?

6 comments:

Rhyming colors said...

Hey steven!

i recently decided that comfort is overrated, and although we strive for comfort, it's only good when its at the end of the day in bed ,after a very uncomfortable and exciting day. And hopefully when you "settle down" its only temporarily until life moves you to a bigger better faster more exciting reality.

i listened to some of your piano therapy and it made me miss my piano a lot. I haven't mastered that chopin song you were teaching me, since we only perfected the first two pages. Maybe you can help me again some time :)

Much Love,
Emmy

moritheil said...

Well, it's really a question of your goals.

If you want to climb the social ladder, obviously marriage is not the end (unless you married into the Kennedy family and that was your aspiration all along.) If you just wanted to be happily married, then all you have to do is maintain the status quo.

Steven Zhou said...

rhyming colors - agree w/ you there, but sometimes you need it for the sake of sanity. but wouldn't the point in "settling down" be that it's a little more permanent?

moritheil - I don't think I find "maintaining the status quo" a very pleasing way to live... but then again, you always want what you don't have.

Rishi Sidhu said...

yo dog, I've been missing out by not reading ur belly-glop. Living in Japan has taught me that it's about enjoying the ride of life, and not living in fear of it, at least for me, conquering that fear by figuring out how and when I am going to settle down. Don't get me wrong, I'm for marriage and being happy, but I'm just saying I'm content with this traveling life that I am living and pay attention to being able to get a lot out of the journey, which in turns, means your always growing as a person. Happiness is not something that you can just get and sit on, it's about the journey, there are always ups and downs and the closest you can get to happiness is through your good friends and fam.

King Mugabe said...

Is that true? Do we always want what we don't have? Or is it perhaps that we haven't found what we want and so we're always grasping for something new?

Or perhaps it is none of the above? Perhaps we have what we want in front of us, but we don't recognize it? Consider the millions of people who starve every day. Without having suffered, what right do we have to judge "happiness"?

hotomiko said...

yup i understand that feeling. how old is this friend? i don't think anyone should feel complacent to settle down until they are well into their career or at least 30s. Settle down when you are in you 20s is like committing a sin against youth.