Some thoughts of mine on Alexandra Robbin's recent article Confessions of a (Recovering) Overachiever featured in Forbes...
It may sound obvious, but it's very easy to denounce the over-achieving life when you yourself have gone through it. But to further explain... Robbins talks about the pressure to succeed. Most would agree that this pressure comes mainly from external factors like peer pressure. You want to succeed so you can look good to others, have something to feel good about. But it's cheap to cry out against the negatives of overachievement when you already have those trophies up to show people. It's so easy to live the easy, non-over-achieving life when you already have those safeguards in the arsenal that you can quickly pull out at anytime to show people that you've had great success in life, and thus make yourself feel better.
I also believe that it's easy to appreciate the easy life when you've gone through the pressured life. It's the old argument against "ignorance is bliss." Enlightened people are the only ones who know how to appreciate the so-called bliss that the ignorant ones are living. So I think one can make the alternative argument that if you've been living the easy way all your life, then you should give stress a try and push yourself to the limits, see how far you can go. I don't think you can fully enjoy doing what you love until you've experienced what it's like to do what you hate.
I know what Robbins is trying to do, and I appreciate her current life mission. I just feel that the other side to her argument should not be overlooked.
2 comments:
I'm not so sure about how easy it is to enjoy living the easy, non-overachieving life only after the fact. I think that it's correct in saying that overachievers are driven by outside pressure to perform for others or to compete with others, rather than doing things for themselves many times. Being able to say that you've lived the overachieving life and have all the trophies you need to fall back on when presenting yourself to others is not a full recovery from the overachieving mentality actually. The fact that someone would still need trophies to feel self worth is another symptom of an overachieving condition. My guess is that those people feel a false sense of security as long as they keep a certain separation from what those trophies symbolize. But if the overachiever returns to his or her old forum of achievement, the pressure is on again.
Let me give an example. Say an accomplished athlete won many awards and trophies from being the best competitor and decided to quit because the pressure was too much. I think as along as they stay away from competing or even associating much with active competitors, they may feel good about what they have done and it may last for the rest of their days. However, what happens when the former athlete learns that some other athlete is close to surpassing them in the sport? Or what if the former athlete continues to associate with active competitors who are still going strong? Does the former athlete feel pressured again to defend his title or consider competing again because he sees others who can take the pressure better than him? This is what I wonder when I see sports stars turn sports commentators. They must feel a certain pain and frustration seeing younger players who will inevitably overshadow their own accomplishments.
The point I'm trying to make is that I don't think it's easier for people to enjoy a laid back life after they've lived a pressured life. Rather, it's about being content with who you are and not base self worth on what you've achieved. I think that a true reformed overachiever will enjoy life just as much as someone who hasn't accomplished anything, but was always content with who they were.
Instead of saying "ignorance is bliss" from the standpoint of someone who has achieved enlightenment, a more fitting phrase would be "bliss is bliss" no matter where you look at it.
I guess I agree with parts of both of you guys. I agree, bliss is bliss, but if you've ever underachieved by say, your father's standards, and thereby been called a failure by him, you'll understand the feeling of not achieving certain goals. Let's be real, the pressure to suceed is huge. From everybody, from school, from your peers, from girls (if your a guy) who want responsible, successful men (I'm not saying all girls are like that, but I am saying that some guys feel that pressure, i.e. they think they need to succeed to look attractive). Society makes you feel worthless if you don't succeed. The homeless are often blamed for not working hard enough. And it's different in different circles. If you went to a great high school, than getting into ivy league is success. If your peers are tuogh street kids, than how many fights you've been in constitutes success, or how "hard" you are. You may laugh at that, but honestly, it's the same exact thing psychologically, and there's pressure to achieve it no matter who you are.
I think it works like this. When your a kid, which is when the above pertains to you, you don't know who you are or what makes you happy, and there's just a lot of pressure. At that time the pressure to succeed is just stress becasue you don't know why you're doing it. Then when you become an adult, secure with who and are and what makes you happy, and no longer affected by peer pressure (or at least not nearly as much), success is a purely personal thing. Then you want to succeed because it fulfills you. I think the university person was extremely right, success does lead to fulfillment, and also leads to the betterment of society (say a painter who was not encouraged to achieve at his best and add his own creativity to the world). I think we just misunderstand it when we don't know why we are succeeding, and then it becomes something more negative, it just leads to stress instead of fulfillment. But I honestly do agree with the professor, if you don't suceed or live to your potential, you will not be fulfilled. The only problem with the author of the article was that she was in the wrong profession before she started writing, and the kids she interviewed, well, it's high school.
Those are my thoughts, but there's a lot to say on this subject no doubt. Religious people are fulfilled by living a religious and Godly life, which has nothing to do with success or intelligence. Maybe living a Godly life cinstitutes success for them! It's all about what fulfills you. Maybe the most successful thing you can ever do is be a good parent, nobody gets a spot on TV for doing that. Honestly, just live a life of love and giving personally and I think you'll lead a succesful personal life. If your work consists of something you care about, then you'll be successful at it, both because you'll be happy/fulfilled and because you'll probably be able to do a better job when you're feeling like that.
Ahhhhh success...the article was written in Forbes magazine, which has a readership that has a certain common definition of success. Other magazines might not have that same definition, like Christian weekly or Anthropology today, or even Teen life (beauty / getting a guy equals success??).
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