Settledness

Saturday I went to my friend's housewarming BBQ, which later turned out to be an engagement announcement party. The guy is very settled. Very homely 1 bedroom apartment in Jersey City, domesticated decor, all in all located in a very family-oriented neighborhood.

Experiencing that atmosphere brings plenty of mixed feelings - fear, envy, relief, etc. Fear because for this couple, the game of life is almost over. The guy is content w/ his job, they're happy in their relationship, they could probably die happy just like that. Thinking about that terrifies me, because it represents a death of your restless self into a new immutable self. The envy part is mostly due to the fact that they are living so comfortably and the fact that they are set in life. But then again, is comfort really a good thing?

Agape Reunion

If there was one thing that defined my experience in college, it was being in the Christian ministry Agape. I'll admit that when I left my was heart a little bitter, and when you associate memories with some bitterness, they tend to become shallow or at least appear that way. So usually I don't think much of my college life because it seemed to have gone by in a breeze.

Last night, miraculously, I was able to hang out with three people from Agape I was probably the closest to, and people whom I thought I would never see again when I left (although I've been hanging out with Jon the past couple of months, heh). We reminisced a lot, dug up some old laughs, and recounted some embarrassing stories. I don't know if it's maybe bitterness clearing away or being able to see old friends again, but I realized there was a lot more to my experience at Agape then I give credit for. We all really did go through a lot, and as the memories came back they became a lot more vivid. Like that time we tried to burn the chest hair off of one of the bro's by using cologne + matches. Or that time my pastor came to talk to me one on one because he felt that one of my smallgroup members was gay. Or that time we left the rice cooker out uncleaned for a week and grew a whole multi-colored civilization out of it. Or that time one of our staff member's kids came out of our apartment bathroom crying because it was so dirty.

I can't believe I was almost ready to discount those years and pretend as if they never happened. Although a lot did happen between now and that day I left, most notably my trip to Europe and my leave from my job to start up an internet business, ultimately what can never happen is me forgetting those fond times at Agape that were undeniably crazy and life changing.