State of Mind

It may sound obvious, but I've come to learn that regret is caused by a changing mindset. The mind has many states due to new experiences, changing environments, etc. In each state of mind, you'll have a different decision making process and be satisfied with completely different decisions. For example, someone who plays World of Warcraft 8 hours per day will be happy and satisfied to make the decision of not hanging out with friends or pursuing career ambitions. At the same time, careerist such as an investment banker will feel obligated to sacrifice leisure and family pursuits for job promotions.

So where does the regret part come in? In our youth, the state of mind is by no means stationary but is transient. When your state of mind changes (and thus your decision making process), you'll look back at past decisions made under a different mentality and regret them, since those decisions no longer make any sense to you. When we're young this doesn't really matter and should be accepted, but as one settles down and makes long-term decisions (such as marriage, decisions to move and switch career paths, etc.) it's important to stay within a consistent mindset and reduce any irrational wandering. Sometimes our state of mind may be temporarily affected by new experiences, such as influential words from a book we read or a compelling talk w/ a new friend. One should always be wary of these effects and stay clear-headed, while thinking independently.

As we ground ourselves and stabilize within certain bounds of a state of mind, regret will occur less frequently and we may even find some form of contentment.

Oneness

Enlightenment is obtained not from differentiating happiness as a positive, sadness as a negative, but rather accepting all the spectrum of life seamlessly as one whole. There is no differentiation but a mix of all the emotions and experiences of life into one, and the acceptance and appreciation of this as reality.

"Knowledge can be conveyed, but not wisdom. It can be found, it can be lived, it is possible to be carried by it, miracles can be performed with it, but it cannot be expressed in words and taught." ~Siddhartha, Herman Hesse

Knowledge and theory is gained from words, but the wisdom of this oneness can only be gained through experiencing every aspect of life.

Independent thinking

Leaders are able to think independently. In particular, they are experts in taking others' words with a grain of salt. As human beings, we have a tendency to be influenced and guided by others' opinions, especially when the person making the opinion appears to be one who knows what he's talking about.

The conflict lies in the fact that as social beings, we want to be able to not only to listen to others, but value their words. However, if you value the words too much, you may just start acting on them. The right approach is to maintain a balance - appreciate the opinion, but still be selfish in judging and critiquing the opinion, regardless of how sensical or good-intentioned it may be.

Thinking under pressure

Challenging math problems are solved using a great deal of working memory, or "short-term" memory. Studies show that those who perform regularly with a higher degree of working memory are more susceptible to pressure because they rely on a working memory that has been crowded out by anxiety.

The solution to this is to either reduce reliance on working memory (higher reliance on automation or memorization) or become oblivious to pressure. Pressure seeps in through self-doubt and pessimism. Practice and familiarity can reduce the amount of self-doubt and reduce pressure, thus increasing thinking capacity in a high stress environment.

Nightmares

Whenever I'm stressed and I repress it during the day, it comes back to bite me when I sleep... in the form of nightmares. Ever since high school, stress comes to me in the form of bad dreams. So not surprisingly, ever since I registered for the CFA I've been getting nightmares every night. My friend says it's because I don't find ways to release it during the day. Well for me it's not about finding ways, but finding time. I simply just don't want to allocate time for stress relief, because I feel like it'd be a waste.

So for now I'll put up with my nightmares. Yeah... we'll see how long that lasts.

What smart people do: hold lots of information in short-term memory

Smart people have very active brains. That is, they're able to hold much more information in their short-term memory than non-smart people (however, that's not to say they have very good long-term memory... shockingly I've noticed that a lot of them don't).

I.e. today I started with the number 3 and kept taking the exponent (kept multiplying by 3), all in my head, until I just couldn't keep track anymore. A smart person would be able to go a lot higher, perhaps even going into 7 digits, which is my short-term goal.

You can't be good at everything

One of my problems is that I hate to do things that I've realized I suck at. Perhaps the most abhorred activity I can think of in regards to this mentality is skating. I don't think there is anything I suck at more in life than skating, which I'm completely hopeless in. It's not that I haven't actively tried to get better in it. I've gone to the rink probably three times in my life, and surprisingly each time was more disastrous than the previous.

So this leads me to my other dilemma. Whenever I try to "like" something, I feel like I have to be good at it, or understand what it takes to be good at it. But isn't there some life rule that states you can't be good at everything? When I try to like something, I sometimes have to tell myself Yes, it's possible to be good at everything. Otherwise I don't really want to try. Yeah... I know it's bad.

Commitment Reminders and FWYDWYD syndrome

I've learned that whenever you commit to something difficult that involves a great deal of sacrifice, like quitting your job to found an internet startup, you need to constantly remind yourself why you chose your path. This is because, almost always, distractions come by and you lose track of your original motives, and these motives were what drove you to do what you did in the first place, and these motives will always be the strongest.

What I've learned is that the syndrome of forgetting why you're doing what you're doing (FWYDWYD) is all too common, and almost always it creeps up on you without you knowing. You don't just wake up one day and say to yourself "wow, I've forgotten why I'm doing this," FWYDWYD is a lot more dangerous than this. The symptoms are always indirect. You start losing energy, you start doubting more consistently, it becomes harder to pull yourself up in the morning, you feel stressed some days and you can't even explain it. These are symptoms of FWYDWYD and the only way to prevent and squelch them is to constantly remind yourself why you do what you do. As an entrepreneur, I've found the following useful ways to do this:

1) Reliving those days when I started my commitment. Includes reading emails I sent back then, reading articles I had read back then when I was first inspired, getting back in touch with people I was in touch with back then.

2) Writing and communicating the original motives to people. I've learned that whenever I put something into words for me to hear and see, the ideas behind those words liven up and take on new meaning internally.

3) Interact with others who currently have the same motive as you did back then. When I was in China for the Spring Festival, I had the chance to talk with a product developer at a Chinese internet startup. The energy he had and the forcefulness with which he articulated his vision reminded me of how I was like back then, and brought back a lot of fire.

I think that for anyone committing to something great, the fire is always greatest when just starting. And to go back to those days is essential fuel to ensure that the fire doesn't burn out.

Agape Reunion

If there was one thing that defined my experience in college, it was being in the Christian ministry Agape. I'll admit that when I left my was heart a little bitter, and when you associate memories with some bitterness, they tend to become shallow or at least appear that way. So usually I don't think much of my college life because it seemed to have gone by in a breeze.

Last night, miraculously, I was able to hang out with three people from Agape I was probably the closest to, and people whom I thought I would never see again when I left (although I've been hanging out with Jon the past couple of months, heh). We reminisced a lot, dug up some old laughs, and recounted some embarrassing stories. I don't know if it's maybe bitterness clearing away or being able to see old friends again, but I realized there was a lot more to my experience at Agape then I give credit for. We all really did go through a lot, and as the memories came back they became a lot more vivid. Like that time we tried to burn the chest hair off of one of the bro's by using cologne + matches. Or that time my pastor came to talk to me one on one because he felt that one of my smallgroup members was gay. Or that time we left the rice cooker out uncleaned for a week and grew a whole multi-colored civilization out of it. Or that time one of our staff member's kids came out of our apartment bathroom crying because it was so dirty.

I can't believe I was almost ready to discount those years and pretend as if they never happened. Although a lot did happen between now and that day I left, most notably my trip to Europe and my leave from my job to start up an internet business, ultimately what can never happen is me forgetting those fond times at Agape that were undeniably crazy and life changing.

What smart people do: thinking over new information

Smart people think a lot, or at least a great deal more than average people, about what's communicated to them, including what they read, what they see, and what the hear. When reading, hearing, and watching, they're constantly thinking if what they're witnessing is valid. They think about how the information can be used practically. They themselves are able to have a logically valid reaction to the information, or find holes and flaws in that information.

P.S. I'm not trying to make the claim that I'm actually smart (in fact, I think I'm very mediocre at best, or maybe a smart wannabe), or even define what being smart really is. This is just a casual series of observations I've made of people whom I personally believe are highly intelligent, including successful entrepeneurs and highly motivated field experts/researchers. Basically people who set high goals for themselves and have managed to achieve them with their brains.

River Town, Being an Outsider and Why I love to Travel

Four weeks ago on my plane ride to China, I finished Peter Hessler's River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze, a book bought for me by a mentor. The book is Peter's narrative as an American Peace Corps volunteer teaching in Fuling, a remote town in China's Szechuan province. It actually reminded me a lot of my friends Rishi & Paulette who are currently teaching in Japan. Being the first American to live there for so long, he experiences I would say a unique reaction from the Chinese living there, but most importantly he is also able to provide an outsider's perspective on Chinese culture. What happens when you're an outsider? You become more aware, more sensitive to what people accept as day-to-day.

When asked about my childhood, I just say I grew up in China but I lived in America. This means that my childhood experiences are Chinese while my the experiences of my youth are American. I think sometimes this creates a chasm because I've absorbed one culture as a child and absorbed a much different one later on throughout maturity. I believe that childhood memories are more dear to the heart while your adolescent memories determine more the way you live and how your life turns out. Thus when I think of China I think of fondness, of family, and of the past. When I think of America I think of life, career, and future. But moving on, reading this book shocked me because I feel like I identify with the author, who provides an outsider's perspective. Yet, on the flip side, I remember reading a Chinese narrative of life in America and I identify with that too. I don't know if others who've lived a similar life go through this as well, but I feel like I'm always an outsider who is constantly more or less observing a lifestyle rather than living it. I think this is why I'm in love with traveling. Traveling allows me to be myself and shows me that it's okay to be an outsider, because travelers will always be one. This is also why the only people I will ever truly get along with are travelers themselves because they know what it's like, and thus appreciate, to be on the outside.

Sometimes every now and then I do wish I could have been born and had stayed in one place, so I could know what it's like to truly fit in with a normal person's lifestyle. But I know that for the most part I don't think I would have had it any other way. I enjoy the open-mindedness that comes from being dual-cultured and I appreciate how it has made me adaptive to change.

Anyhoo, I'll post up some of my favorite excerpts from the book later. I think you'll enjoy them :)

Scrambled Eggs

I think I've got it figured it out. The trick to making good scrambled eggs is the quality of the eggs, temperature of the oil, and how long you leave it in the skillet. I think what makes eggs good isn't the flavor or what you add in it but the texture, which is controlled by the egg quality, the temperature, and the cooking time.

By the way, props to JJ and Rishi for their insightful comments on Overachieving... perhaps one day I'll try to write a more focused piece on this topic but for now you'll just have to settle for my scatterbrain arguments :p

burnout, persistence, character, and failure

by no means do i call myself an entrepeneur... and no chance of me making that call until success. but here's what i think about successful entrepreneurs... (disclaimer: take my words with a quarter-grain of salt)

if comedians are professional jokesters and
court lawyers are professional blabbermouths and
our president is a professional idiot then

an entrepreneur is a professional persister. why?
because all an entrepreneur has is a vision and time creates friction for visions. in other words... a vision fades over time. visions can be re-strengthened through reasoning and inspiration, while at the same time its demise can be sped up by failures, embarassments, and empty-handedness (otherwise known as burnout). but persistence is the fuel for reasoning & inspiration. persistence extends a vision, visions don't create persistence. when persistence doesn't keep up with burnout, the vision dies.

i think a lot of people make the mistake thinking that... well, as long as you really want it that badly, you won't give up. this might work in a short timeframe... but in the long haul there will always be a time when you don't want something as badly anymore. some distraction will pop up... you meet a girl (or guy) and boom your previous dreams go to dust and you run off into your world of romance only to find out a month later she turns lesbian and there you sit on your ass feeling like an ass wishing for your old vision back, but you've dashed it. okay maybe too extreme of an example... but hey shit happens, and what do you do during those times when you don't want something as bad anymore. what keeps bringing back the hunger? persistence.

where does persistence come from? character... and character is built from responses to experiences. sooo... what type of response to what kind of experiences. here's my shortlist of what i got so far...
- picking yourself up from deep, utter failures
- confronting & overcoming fears
- fight or flight situations where you fight

a lot of times i've noticed, ppl who are tough were forced into these situations in childhood. i always think of a friend of mine whose father was sent to five years in prison when we were kids. in that kind of situation, you either fight or flight. he fought through it, spent those five years comforting and taking care of his distraught mother, and i saw instantly in that period of time the transformation of a boy, my age, to a man. the guy is tough as nails now. people like that persist. and if he had only but a vision, he'd make a great entrepreneur.