State of Mind

It may sound obvious, but I've come to learn that regret is caused by a changing mindset. The mind has many states due to new experiences, changing environments, etc. In each state of mind, you'll have a different decision making process and be satisfied with completely different decisions. For example, someone who plays World of Warcraft 8 hours per day will be happy and satisfied to make the decision of not hanging out with friends or pursuing career ambitions. At the same time, careerist such as an investment banker will feel obligated to sacrifice leisure and family pursuits for job promotions.

So where does the regret part come in? In our youth, the state of mind is by no means stationary but is transient. When your state of mind changes (and thus your decision making process), you'll look back at past decisions made under a different mentality and regret them, since those decisions no longer make any sense to you. When we're young this doesn't really matter and should be accepted, but as one settles down and makes long-term decisions (such as marriage, decisions to move and switch career paths, etc.) it's important to stay within a consistent mindset and reduce any irrational wandering. Sometimes our state of mind may be temporarily affected by new experiences, such as influential words from a book we read or a compelling talk w/ a new friend. One should always be wary of these effects and stay clear-headed, while thinking independently.

As we ground ourselves and stabilize within certain bounds of a state of mind, regret will occur less frequently and we may even find some form of contentment.

Independent thinking

Leaders are able to think independently. In particular, they are experts in taking others' words with a grain of salt. As human beings, we have a tendency to be influenced and guided by others' opinions, especially when the person making the opinion appears to be one who knows what he's talking about.

The conflict lies in the fact that as social beings, we want to be able to not only to listen to others, but value their words. However, if you value the words too much, you may just start acting on them. The right approach is to maintain a balance - appreciate the opinion, but still be selfish in judging and critiquing the opinion, regardless of how sensical or good-intentioned it may be.

Nightmares

Whenever I'm stressed and I repress it during the day, it comes back to bite me when I sleep... in the form of nightmares. Ever since high school, stress comes to me in the form of bad dreams. So not surprisingly, ever since I registered for the CFA I've been getting nightmares every night. My friend says it's because I don't find ways to release it during the day. Well for me it's not about finding ways, but finding time. I simply just don't want to allocate time for stress relief, because I feel like it'd be a waste.

So for now I'll put up with my nightmares. Yeah... we'll see how long that lasts.

You can't be good at everything

One of my problems is that I hate to do things that I've realized I suck at. Perhaps the most abhorred activity I can think of in regards to this mentality is skating. I don't think there is anything I suck at more in life than skating, which I'm completely hopeless in. It's not that I haven't actively tried to get better in it. I've gone to the rink probably three times in my life, and surprisingly each time was more disastrous than the previous.

So this leads me to my other dilemma. Whenever I try to "like" something, I feel like I have to be good at it, or understand what it takes to be good at it. But isn't there some life rule that states you can't be good at everything? When I try to like something, I sometimes have to tell myself Yes, it's possible to be good at everything. Otherwise I don't really want to try. Yeah... I know it's bad.

Overachieving

Some thoughts of mine on Alexandra Robbin's recent article Confessions of a (Recovering) Overachiever featured in Forbes...

It may sound obvious, but it's very easy to denounce the over-achieving life when you yourself have gone through it. But to further explain... Robbins talks about the pressure to succeed. Most would agree that this pressure comes mainly from external factors like peer pressure. You want to succeed so you can look good to others, have something to feel good about. But it's cheap to cry out against the negatives of overachievement when you already have those trophies up to show people. It's so easy to live the easy, non-over-achieving life when you already have those safeguards in the arsenal that you can quickly pull out at anytime to show people that you've had great success in life, and thus make yourself feel better.

I also believe that it's easy to appreciate the easy life when you've gone through the pressured life. It's the old argument against "ignorance is bliss." Enlightened people are the only ones who know how to appreciate the so-called bliss that the ignorant ones are living. So I think one can make the alternative argument that if you've been living the easy way all your life, then you should give stress a try and push yourself to the limits, see how far you can go. I don't think you can fully enjoy doing what you love until you've experienced what it's like to do what you hate.

I know what Robbins is trying to do, and I appreciate her current life mission. I just feel that the other side to her argument should not be overlooked.

psychological eating

It's all psychological!

1 - I like to watch food network when I eat... definitely enjoy my pb&j and/or cold spaghetti w/ undercooked meatballs a lot more when I'm watching bobby flay make a red-peppered halibut with artichoke.

2. Ever since I read a short biography in the Wash. Post about a lettuce farmer who devoted his whole life to picking spinach, beet greens, romaines, & endives, I started liking salad.

3 - The only reason why I like mussels is because in middle school we read a book called Homecoming, a story about three pre-teen kids who had to fend for themselves after their mum ditches them. In one scene, when they're on the brink of starvation, they found mussels by the bay and ate them. It saved their lives. Whenever I eat mussels, I flash back to when I read that book.

4 - The only reason why I like steak is because I keep remembering that scene in the Matrix where Cypher (demn traitor...) is enjoying that steak and saying "I know that this steak is tender... juicy... and delicious..."

5 - I like potatoes because they're a root, pulled from the ground, makes ya feel earthy when you eat them :D

burnout, persistence, character, and failure

by no means do i call myself an entrepeneur... and no chance of me making that call until success. but here's what i think about successful entrepreneurs... (disclaimer: take my words with a quarter-grain of salt)

if comedians are professional jokesters and
court lawyers are professional blabbermouths and
our president is a professional idiot then

an entrepreneur is a professional persister. why?
because all an entrepreneur has is a vision and time creates friction for visions. in other words... a vision fades over time. visions can be re-strengthened through reasoning and inspiration, while at the same time its demise can be sped up by failures, embarassments, and empty-handedness (otherwise known as burnout). but persistence is the fuel for reasoning & inspiration. persistence extends a vision, visions don't create persistence. when persistence doesn't keep up with burnout, the vision dies.

i think a lot of people make the mistake thinking that... well, as long as you really want it that badly, you won't give up. this might work in a short timeframe... but in the long haul there will always be a time when you don't want something as badly anymore. some distraction will pop up... you meet a girl (or guy) and boom your previous dreams go to dust and you run off into your world of romance only to find out a month later she turns lesbian and there you sit on your ass feeling like an ass wishing for your old vision back, but you've dashed it. okay maybe too extreme of an example... but hey shit happens, and what do you do during those times when you don't want something as bad anymore. what keeps bringing back the hunger? persistence.

where does persistence come from? character... and character is built from responses to experiences. sooo... what type of response to what kind of experiences. here's my shortlist of what i got so far...
- picking yourself up from deep, utter failures
- confronting & overcoming fears
- fight or flight situations where you fight

a lot of times i've noticed, ppl who are tough were forced into these situations in childhood. i always think of a friend of mine whose father was sent to five years in prison when we were kids. in that kind of situation, you either fight or flight. he fought through it, spent those five years comforting and taking care of his distraught mother, and i saw instantly in that period of time the transformation of a boy, my age, to a man. the guy is tough as nails now. people like that persist. and if he had only but a vision, he'd make a great entrepreneur.